top of page
IMG_0546.jpeg

Welcome

HEY, EVERYONE! I'M CINDY.

Welcome to my blog! Here is a little information about myself: I am married to my amazing husband Milton for over five years and we have a beautiful three year old daughter, Abby. The reason why I started this blog is to share my journey in hopes that it could help someone else. I will be posting about marriage, motherhood, our infertility journey, and family recipes.


Home: Welcome
Home: Blog2
  • Writer's pictureCindy Arriaga

Staying HOPEFUL after a miscarriage


It was a beautiful Friday morning, I woke before Abby to start getting ready to go to the zoo with some mom friends and their kids. Abby was so excited to finally see her friends (we had been stuck at home for two weeks being sick with a cold). Once I was done packing up our snacks and stuff, I decided to go to the bathroom before we got in the car as I was wiping I could see brown- red color on the bathroom tissue. I called out for my husband to see what he thought and we both decided to call the OB office and they said “it’s completely normal to have discharge the first trimester, but let’s just double check to make sure baby is ok”. 


We left Abby with my sister- in law and rushed to the doctor’s office. The whole time Milton was assuring me everything was okay and that the baby was just getting big. But I felt something was wrong inside of me and I began to pray to God to let me keep my baby and allow him or her to grow healthy in full term. While we both were in the office waiting to be called, I could feel my pelvic pain getting stronger and it seemed it was taking forever for them to call my name. Once they called my name we did the usual- check my weight, blood pressure and the nurse asked me a couple questions. My husband and I began to pray that this was all just a scare and that baby was okay. The doctor came in smiling and telling me that we were going to check, but believed everything looked normal and since we heard a heartbeat three weeks earlier that maybe it was just my uterus just expanding. 


She decided to first check my vagina and make sure my cervix and everything was good in there- the moment she put her fingers in there I began to have a horrible pain down there and more blood came out. Then once she started the transvaginal ultrasound that pain came back harder, once she had her eyes on the screen her face completely changed there I knew something was definitely wrong.


I turned and looked at my husband and his face was completely different, he went from being confident that everything was okay to tears in his eyes. The doctor turned the screen toward us and showed us what she was seeing and said “ I am so sorry but your baby stopped growing, let me get another doctor to confirm”. As she walked out I screamed to my husband with tears running down my cheeks “THIS IS NOT FAIR, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? WHY?”.


Second doctor came in and confirmed the awful news that I was going to miscarry this baby. They told me to come back in two weeks and then we can decide what to do. I left so confused, not knowing what to expect from all this, and I kept thinking about delivering that small sac at home and I began to panic and worry. When we got in the car we both were just in so much disbelief to what had just happened. My husband hugged me as tight as he could and said “I love you, God will get us through this and we will be stronger”.


At that moment all I wanted to do is hug and kiss Abby as much as I could. Milton dropped me off first at home and then picked her up from her aunt's house. When she got home, it broke my heart to tell her that “the baby had left to be with Jesus”. She cried and said “ but I want to be a big sister and the baby is in your belly”. I apologized to her and we hugged soon after she said “it’s okay mommy baby is with Jesus” all of sudden that gave me some comfort.


The whole day my husband and I just hugged on the couch and cried and prayed to God to comfort us and give us healing. All I wanted to do is just be around Abby, she helped me to not remember this awful dream I thought I was having. To be honest I didn't realize I was naturally miscarrying until the pelvic pain became stronger and stronger, like if I was going through labor. In one week I had I already gone to the Emergency Room twice, the first time I went into the ER because I was in so much pain and I was dehydrated and about to pass out but all they gave me was pain medication to ease the pain and told me that I just needed to let my body do this "naturally". Then for days I was just in bed rest crying to the Lord why he had me go through this, I began to bleed huge blood clots to the point that I realized that this wasn't normal so we went into the ER again and there was where the doctors decided to take out my tiny little baby without any medication. This miscarriage was definitely a very traumatic experience that I will never forget and that has robbed me from ever having that "pregnancy bliss" you have in the beginning or even in the whole pregnancy.


Many of you are probably wondering if we had told anybody or had announced and the answer is yes! A week before this had happened we had announced on our social media that we were expecting and I was 8 weeks along and we had told family and close friends as soon as we found out. And yes, many people believe that to be naive, naive of us to announce so early when we all know it is best to announce at after 13 weeks if we know the statistics but to be honest we both don’t regret announcing so early. We want the baby to not be forgotten and we want anyone going through this to understand they are not alone and it is nothing to be ashamed of. 

I understand why so many women decide not to talk about their miscarriages, it is something so painful emotionally and physically. One in four woman will suffer a miscarriage in the first trimester. That’s A LOT and it is something that no one woman should go through alone. It is important to have a community around you either checking in on you and praying for you. I am seriously so blessed to have friends that always were there for me making sure I was ok.


So where do I go from here when all hope seems gone? I am not going to lie and say the moment they told me I lost my baby I was at peace with it. I was not, we are human and it’s okay to ask questions not that God will give us the answer but it’s part of the grieving process. I remember telling God “I am very disappointed and very upset right now, so all I need is for you to just stay next to me don’t say anything just hug me”. 


A song by Tauren Wells called God’s Not Done With You” popped on the radio and this part really hit me hard:

God's not done with you

Even with your broken heart and your wounds and your scars

God's not done with you

Even when you're lost and it's hard and you're falling apart

God's not done with you

It's not over, it's only begun

So don't hide, don't run

'Cause God's not done with you


These lyrics reminded me that although all feels dark at the moment God is still not done with me and my family. There is more He has planned and I don’t know what that is but my only hope is to cling to my faith because if I go off in what I am feeling I would go down a very dark place. All I can do now is just trust and stay HOPEFUL that God will get my family through this tough time.


After weeks of just being in pain physically and emotionally, I decided I was ready to listen to what God had to tell me. I opened up the Bible and I just began to seek Him and get comfort from his word. One day,  Abby came up to me asking me why her friends had siblings and she didn’t. I responded by telling her that she should pray about it and ask God for the desires of her heart. For days she kept telling me that “Our baby is with Jesus, but God will give us baby” and I always responded by telling her “let’s pray about it”. A week passed and she asked if she could pray for me and I said yes, she prayed “God please heal my mommy, and give me a baby brother and baby sister in Jesus name. Amen” and after she was done praying she said “Mommy, God can do it okay?”. I cried after hearing her sweet words, not because I was sad but the comfort her words gave me. Sometimes we just need to have a mind of a child, the Bible says “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”. Children have a special humbleness and are easily taught and has a love that is forgiving, most adults are not this way. I do feel that God is speaking to me through my daughter and is giving me the comfort I need to get through this and remind me to have child-like faith again. I am not going to ever say that God took my baby for a reason because I don’t believe that at all. But I will say that through this dark time God is the only one that has given me the strength and hope for the future.

13 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All
Home: Subscribe

Contact

Thanks for submitting!

Home: Contact
bottom of page